Mission: Torturing mothers, poor choice of pets and the DUO..

My parents always had big tough dogs, hunting dogs, and bird dogs Chesapeake Bay retrievers. Pretty tough animals. Swim forever in cold water, curly fur, wicked animals to hunt over. I say all this to set context of our family. My mother out of the blue shows up in her car with a new Wiener dog she named Sam. Being a nutty old dear she named the dam thing after the dog in a children’s book, “green egg’s and ham”, were all so embarrassed. She actually yells, “SAM I AM” when the dog is on the lamb or needs to come inside.… We (the three brothers and dad and I) all call it the family disappointment. IT got a bit of street credit chasing the next-door neighbors German Shepard off the yard one day. But after badgering the neighbor about his wimpy Shepard laying the smack down on the pure bread canine protector. Sam goes in the house and takes his reward out on the cat by pinning it down and sexually assaulting it. That confermed it Street Credit gone again. I took my mom out paddling with me on the last visit up to beachburg, I bought a house up here. Took her out for a paddle in the bay, dam dog had to come with us too. So when I ran it over with the little inflatable raft in the bay I didn’t mind all that much. My mom lurched to the front of the raft to get the dog. But because it was a cataraft and it takes two to tango if you know what I mean. There was nothing I could do but do dounuts over the poor thing.
She yells at me, “back up,” From the front of the raft groping for a little dog under the tube” Being not all that upset I kept repeating, “Mom you got to paddle backward too” I was also thinking I’ll just do circles on top of your stupid over sexed mutt and the brothers and my dad will be so happy. I might get a metal out of the deal. She always said the dog couldn’t swim, she was wrong and my hopes of chest hardwear left with it.


As I said, I bought a house, got a bunch of cool people renting rooms and now I got a place for all my junk. Along with the Junk come family visits. The duo has been great to stem the tide. My wife’s mom was the first to take the bait. I guess she felt like she had been duped. Someone told her that the river was a short trip. “Wrong”, the first rapid is a wall of water that caught her square in the face. It was silence for the next 10 min and then for the rest of the trip it was all, “you tried to drown me”. Carly, billy tried to drown me. "and repeat for 2 hours". Carly and her dad and I paddle down the river all the time. It was nice to bring the old dear down for a change to see them paddle and experiance the day. We say herons, osprey, fish, deer. Wild kingdom really... The old duck liked that part. Too be honest torture for the extended family has never been so fun. The whole day was a hoot for me, even the surfing was great. Big waves to surf and someone to dunk under the water again and again. I LOVED IT. So if you want to keep the extended unit at bay and away, get a duo promise a trip every time they come up. That will slow em down. But it was also fun to show the unit what we did.

Billy